apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had to coat check the pizza.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
