I think my vagina is haunted
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
