girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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