I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found the puke drawer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
