If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
