He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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