ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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