Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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