I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Randomize
