Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
