I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
