He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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