cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
