He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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