i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
