You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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