dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
