just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
