Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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