Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
