is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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