i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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