i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
