I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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