Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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