totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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