I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
