sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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