I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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