Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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