guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
