if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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