I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just had sex bonerless
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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