Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
