Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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