Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
