currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
