You were right. It hurts to walk today.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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