This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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