my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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