He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
