i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
