did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
