I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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