I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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