did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.