I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.