No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.