I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS