she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.