1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life is pants optional.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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