Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
