Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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