ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
accomplished twins. life is a go
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
