When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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