Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i've created a new STD.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
