I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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