Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
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it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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