I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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