I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
