my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
