I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
