i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
