hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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