My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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