I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
