you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
