He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
