Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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