what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
