evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
